Apparently, a drag race has nothing to do with cross-dressing. I find this very disappointing.

Published:
November 2, 2009 – 12:00 pm
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There’s a fine line between standing naked in a bush and being a Chia Pet for Halloween.

Published:
October 30, 2009 – 6:11 pm
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I ran out of light bulbs in my apartment, so I had to use two strobe lights and just time them really well.

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October 28, 2009 – 10:08 am
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Horror movie titles need to be more specific. The House of a Thousand Corpses – of what? It could just be a bug zapper.

Published:
October 26, 2009 – 1:27 pm
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Three-way bulbs are frustrating because you can’t turn them on all at once, you have to go in stages. If you try to go too fast, you’ll go one too far and then they’ll be turned off and you have to try again. And that is also why they are like women.

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October 23, 2009 – 11:18 pm
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Saying a war is successful is kind of like describing your golf game as ’sub par’. It might not mean what you want it to.

Published:
October 21, 2009 – 11:52 pm
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I was reading a biography, and I kept coming across blank pages. About a third of the way through the book, he’s diagnosed with narcolepsy, so then it makes a lot more sense.

Published:
October 19, 2009 – 5:16 pm
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The Olympics would be more interesting if half of the athletes started out going in the opposite direction. Pole vaulting would become jousting.

Published:
October 16, 2009 – 3:24 pm
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House boats are nice because if the bank tries to foreclose, you always have the option of sailing away and taking up piracy.

“I’m here to foreclose.”
“Walk the plank.”
“I thought that was your sidewalk.”
“It was.”

Published:
October 14, 2009 – 2:58 pm
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Nothing is as easy as it looks. With the exception of maybe eye exams.

Published:
October 12, 2009 – 10:16 pm
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