A birthday is the opposite of a funeral. Unless you are a cake.

Golf is not considered manly. And figure skating is not considered manly. But apparently when you put them together and call it hockey it is.

There should be a superhero whose power is emotional stability.

“Someone robbed the bank!”
“Yes, but that money was insured by the FDIC.”
“Oh.”

Homeless trolls have to live above the bridge.

If your last name is a color, you should avoid getting in trouble with the law, because there’s a good chance the jury has played a decent amount of Clue.

I got pulled over and the officer asked me if I knew how fast I’d been going. I told him 913 miles an hour, but apparently they don’t take the rotation of the Earth into consideration.

Compare / Contrast

Good.

A good place to practice improvised jazz.

Improv Jazz 1

Not a good place to practice improvised jazz.

Making out in the back seat is better if you don’t own a motorcycle.

Putting an arbitrary question and an adverb at the end of a sentence makes it sound British, doesn’t it then?

Putting an arbitrary question and an adverb at the end of a sentence makes it sound British, doesn’t it then?

If you wear one of those umbrella hats, you can make your hot tub look like a tropical drink.

If you wear one of those umbrella hats, you can make your hot tub look like a tropical drink.

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