Exploiting The First Amendment

HeplerOnline — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 05:06:25 +0000

HeplerOnline — Tue, 18 May 2010 03:31:43 +0000

It was either fall off a wall or be torn apart from the inside by a gargantuan baby chicken. Either way, Humpty Dumpty’s end was going to be tragic.

HeplerOnline — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:53:39 +0000

Turning sprinting into an extreme sport is as simple as turning the finish line into a wall.

HeplerOnline — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 16:59:55 +0000

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. They should also not throw laser tag tournaments. Or surprise birthday parties.

HeplerOnline — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:02:57 +0000

When I have to try to explain the computer to my grandparents, I try to remember that this is exactly what I’ll be doing with my grandkids when they can’t figure out where to plug themselves in.

HeplerOnline — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:51:26 +0000

Some disorders become neutralized when you add another disorder. Narcolepsy added to sleep-walking becomes consistent exercise with no effort.

HeplerOnline — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 17:47:53 +0000

As it turns out, I only thought I was a hypochondriac.

HeplerOnline — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 14:42:28 +0000

If you’re going bald, you should wear a bald wig over your toupee with another toupee on top of it. That way if someone accidentally knocks the toupee off, you can say “Oh, don’t worry. That baldness is fake too.” And then you can pull off the bald wig and everyone will be relieved to have avoided an awkward moment.

HeplerOnline — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 17:41:49 +0000

Every hat is a top hat.

HeplerOnline — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 18:55:37 +0000

Benjamin Franklin was not the first person to discover electricity. He was just the first person to survive it.