People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. They should also not throw laser tag tournaments. Or surprise birthday parties.

Published:
February 3, 2010 – 11:59 am
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When I have to try to explain the computer to my grandparents, I try to remember that this is exactly what I’ll be doing with my grandkids when they can’t figure out where to plug themselves in.

Published:
January 27, 2010 – 12:02 pm
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Some disorders become neutralized when you add another disorder. Narcolepsy added to sleep-walking becomes consistent exercise with no effort.

Published:
January 25, 2010 – 9:51 am
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As it turns out, I only thought I was a hypochondriac.

As it turns out, I only thought I was a hypochondriac.
Published:
January 22, 2010 – 12:47 pm
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If you’re going bald, you should wear a bald wig over your toupee with another toupee on top of it. That way if someone accidentally knocks the toupee off, you can say “Oh, don’t worry. That baldness is fake too.” And then you can pull off the bald wig and everyone will be relieved to have avoided an awkward moment.

Published:
January 20, 2010 – 9:42 am
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Every hat is a top hat.

Published:
January 18, 2010 – 12:41 pm
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Benjamin Franklin was not the first person to discover electricity. He was just the first person to survive it.

Published:
December 25, 2009 – 1:55 pm
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A birthday is the opposite of a funeral. Unless you are a cake.

Published:
December 23, 2009 – 12:48 pm
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Golf is not considered manly. And figure skating is not considered manly. But apparently when you put them together and call it hockey it is.

Published:
November 23, 2009 – 11:19 pm
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There should be a superhero whose power is emotional stability.

“Someone robbed the bank!”
“Yes, but that money was insured by the FDIC.”
“Oh.”

Published:
November 20, 2009 – 11:17 pm
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